It's amazing how quick time zaps by like the speed of light.

The youngest of the family, also known as "panda" (it ain't my fault he's got a lame nickname, so happens he fits the profile) is at the ripe age of 4 years 6 months 15 days.

Reminiscing the day I found out mum was expecting. First came the aghast followed by bitterness. At that point in time, if i were a bittergourd I most certainly would have been the most bitter that ever existed in this Universe. In my head it was as though an explosion had occurred. My thoughts were in fragments I could hardly piece together.

1 ) I would no longer be the youngest child.

The one who gets pampered despite being a brat because I'm as precious as a 20 carat diamond and no one in the right state of mind would upset this priceless treasure. I'm brutal- dents in the fridge from my constant abuse; damaged telephone cords from my whining when mum gives me the "circular fish" for lunch, are my works.

I'm sure the natural occuring polymers and amino acids in me are as worthy as that diamond afterall it's all natural (no one messes with nature) unlike the diamond which requires 101 miracles to revive it off it's coal like natural form.

2 ) What would become of my room?

We only had 4 rooms, 1 for my parents; the other for my brother; the other for me and the last for my maid. And those evil beings decided on converting MY, let me repeat, MY ROOM to the baby room.

Grrr! That little "panda" hasn't even had his tiny feet (which turned out to be far from tiny afterall, more like the size of an orangutan's foot) on this planet and yet he has already TAKEN something away from me and successfully stirred jealousy to the extent of me literally turning green as if I had a sudden rush of chlorophyll in me.

What would become of me in the near future?

3 ) I go cuckoo when babies go "WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH". They are utterly inconsiderate, they show nonchalant attitudes towards the fact that their jie jie and kor kor require beauty sleep to maintain their luscious looks. Ok, I hope for the impossible. At least I dare to dream. I'm not in favour of foul smelling nappies and neither do I appreciate mashy baby food on my face.

4 ) Income has to be shared among 5 people rather than the usual 4.

For instance, let's assume an income level of $20000 per month. Let me emphasize, it is an assumption so please do not start plotting on how you're going to rob me off my riches.

The usual: $20000 / 4 = $5000 per head
The new: $20000 / 5 = $4000 per head

As you can see, I am $1000 worse off after the "panda's" birth. Thats 20%! It may seem like a meagre sum, it is not, however, due to the rippling effect it has on the economy and most importantly the social effects it has on my life. I am self-centred.

Let's explore the concept of the multiplier where "one men's spending is another men's income". That $1000 could have been my spending money- clothing, jewellery, lip balms (yum, my favourite), food. I would have provided income for them people which would have increased the level of aggregate expenditure in the economy rather than idling in the bank account of the "panda". Mind you, savings is a leakage to the economy.

All in all, the $1000 would have been better off in my hands. It's beneficial to both the economy and ME.

5 ) There's something so enticing about the opportunity to dispense my boredom on the new member. Yet unconditional pampering has a never failing attraction.

Ok. Ok.

I'm paranoid, narcissistic and full of balderdash.

Amid all the pessimistic thoughts, I came to a realisation that the overflowing of emotions and thoughts are mentally and physically exhausting. They are heavy emotions. My body weighed twice what it had only moments earlier. And though I'm a glutton, I DO NOT want to be obese.

We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course. If "panda" hadn't come into this world, my life would have been a simple stream. What choice did I have? Being the nice girl I am, I decided on embracing the future rather than dreading it.

Update: I love him to bits though he gets on my nerves 24/7 365 days a year. Thats an oxymoron. He's got a contagious laughter, an amazing smile, cheeks like mine (radiant and bloated), a way of getting into my heart when he goes "Sorry jie", he's got a passion for food just like his jie (he can't go wrong if he's like me), etc.

He is certainly the largest 4 year old I've seen. Due to that, ever so often I fail to register that he's still a naive child. That only strikes me when he bawls:

1 ) "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows", when asked "where does milk come from?"

2 ) "Mum! Why is the moon following us?"

3 ) " I know this one. 6 + 6 = 66. Right right right?"

4 ) "Dad you fart like an elephant." Please bear in mind, he said it in a public place swarming with people.

5 ) Me (rubbing mole on "panda's" face): Hah hah! You'll see a mole tomorrow when you wake up.

Panda (frantically rubbing his face on the table then running off to get a tissue): Noooooooooo!! Don't give it to me!

My memory is failing me at the moment

Oh well, it's time I end. My fingers have had enough exercise for the day. I want long slender fingers not muscular ones.



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