Simple Strawberry

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Comebacks for DUMMIES

I've come up with comebacks for various situations.

Situation 1: Big breast chick spewing out critiques smacking with bitchiness due to your lack of assets.

Bitch: My my, the flatness of your chest makes me wonder if you'd been pressed together by two boards as a teenager during adolescence. (assuming that she is capable of stringing a sentence together with a couple of english words)

Flat chested: Prior to my birth, the Lord asked me. "You have two alternatives of Bs, Boobs or Brains. You're only allowed one, which do you choose?" There's no doubt that I've choosen brains.

Flat chested: I'm flat chested = I'm an intellect. I'm going to get far in life, I'm not complaining.

Bitch: SO?

Flat chested ( in blatant tone) : You've got big boobs = you're a bimbo. I hypothesise that in the near future you will bonk syphillis infected ah pehs day in day out till your privates rot beyond repair to earn a meagre sum of $5/hr. You're so worthless. Oh yar, be sure to stock up on viagra. Doodles and balls aren't as effective at that ripe age. I too see you with personalised dildos and various other sex toys because the norms don't fit you anymore.

This is the reason behind bimbo's ginormous (gi-gantic + e-normous) melons. The foetus made a stupid mistake.

Whats the deal with massive melons? Them poor girls suffer inevitable constant back and neck pains having to sustain all that weight and often get permanent bra strap lines and stretch marks which are aesthetically unpleasant. It ain't easy buying clothes too.

Why do men persue overflowing melons? Theoratically, a handful is sufficient (get the subtle hint?) Unless you've got hands like paws of a hippopotamus which is highly absurd so please stop going "Me! Me! Me!" like an assemblage of silly immature school kids or Ian Thorpes hands, there REALLY isn't a need. Besides, firm perfectly rounded melons do not last. When women mature, their melons mature alongside them, in other words 50 years into the future, these perfect ornaments develop into a wrinkly and saggy state like the cheeks of an obese bulldog.

Picture this: Sagging melons to the extent they reach the belly button. Yuck, thats a hideous sight.

Situation 2: Sibling rivalry, callous brother insults you.

The intellectual comeback (not for the weak hearted) -

Brother: You imbecile (stupid person).

You: Well Kor, I'm skeptical of your belief that you're a genius. Simply because stupidity is hereditary. Contemplating I'm stupid, either Mum or Dad or BOTH of them must possess a dominant "stupid gene" which overpowers the recessive "non-stupid gene". If they both have been "blessed" with the "stupid gene" , I'm most certain the offspring which is you is stupid too. If one has the gene, there's a 75% possibility.

Let's consider the odds of striking 4D. We have 20000 hopefuls and perhaps only 1000 whom benefit from this gamble. Thats a meagre 5%.

What makes you so certain that you'll be free of the "STUPID GENE" since the stakes are SO much higher.

Most importantly, end this with the evilest (is there such a word?) laugh you manage to summon. E.g. Muahahahahahaha

Brother: (Lost for words)

OR

The child-like comeback ( recommended usage by those with mentalities of 8 year olds) -

Brother (insultingly): Wah lau eh. Why are you such a stupid fuck.

You: Orh horrrr! I tell mummy and daddy you call them stupid. You don't know it runs in the family meh.

You (sticking tongue out): neh ni neh ni boo boo!

If that aint's damaging enough, swear in front of your parents. When scolded, say "Kor kor say one." and pray that he'll be dumped head first into a bucket of 1000 mole per litre sulfuric acid where he'll disintegrate and cease to exist.

Yours truly is such a genius.

Ling blogged @ 1:02 AM

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